I have a great instinct for people and human interactions, after all when I write a screenplay, there is nothing I love more than creating new characters. A lot of my friends have spotted this natural talent and they see me as their therapist when it comes to relationships. In the days of the online dating apps where the grass is always greener so no one seems to commit,  one thing I dislike is the fact that many people only go out with people who tick a set of boxes.They would only date a guy or a girl if he/she is of a certain age, from a particular socioeconomic background and someone who is on the career ladder and has an apartment or at least, can afford to live alone. If he/she has a car, then, that is an extra box to tick. Crazy? Yes, and slightly prejudiced and dated too.

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I know someone who only dates architects, or technology guys and only from a specific background. As a result, she is always jumping from one date to the next. People who date people who tick boxes are never happily satisfied in a relationship, they always seem to be on the dating game. It seems as if the well off professional they thought was just perfect in paper, disappears sooner than a shoplifter running away from security. Many tend to be victims of the ever popular “Ghosting” too.

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When the first thing they say about Mr or Miss right is that they have a great job, an amazing apartment and good dinner conversation, I know they are dating someone who is just ticking the society appearances box but not the one he /she should be really ticking; the one you can’t describe, the one that makes you smile and feel happy just thinking about that person. The best thing about love is that is free and no amount of money can buy you love. If you connect, you connect.If you don’t, you are just forcing something that could potentially work in paper but is not working in real life.

While having dinner with the colleague who only dates architects that tick a certain set of boxes, she was telling me how his new architect and her have had a couple of great dates but he hadn’t been in touch for a week and a half after their last outing –which ended great with them  drinking wine at his apartment and the rest- When she asked me what I thought, I was brutally honest: “You are wasting your time, energy and dignity dating a ghost. A person who is clearly not into you, and let’s be honest, deep down you are not into him either, as you know you deserve something better than a message once a week if lucky. You are just into the fact that he ticks the society boxes and I think you can’t let go of the idea , but you definitely can let go of the man”. She simply replied: I’m just not going date a bartender right?. And that is all I needed to hear to move on with the conversation , because perhaps if she dated outside her unrealistic expectations box , she would find the commitment and happiness she craves. Poor prejudiced dear!. Poets have said it over and over again,love has no limits, no boundaries, it can’t be described or defined.

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One cannot beg for love, for respect,for company, for fidelity, for empathy, for faithfulness, it is given free and if you are not getting it freely or naturally and organically then, it is not worth it. If he doesn’t call, its because he doesn’t want to.If he doesn’t text,it’s because he is not that bothered and if he is not faithful, why allow yourself to be disrespected like that?. Just turn off your phone, delete all those online apps and go out and be open to the guy who makes you a latte, or serves you brunch or sells you a new phone, the one who sits opposite you in the tube, the one who has just said hi at a party and seems genuine, and is holding it all together and has a beautiful smile. Love is all around you and love is not rational so do yourself a favor and ditch “the tick the box list”.Instead of unrealistic expectations you better have no expectations but be open to what life is throwing at you. It will be great!.

 

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