The holidays can be a time of joy and connection, but when you’re navigating divorce and ongoing conflict, it can feel anything but festive. Padideh Jafari, Esq., a seasoned family law and divorce attorney and founder of Jafari Law & Mediation Office, shares expert insights with In The Know Magazine on creating a child-focused holiday while managing the emotional and legal challenges of co-parenting or parallel parenting during a split.
The idea of creating a peaceful, child-centric holiday during such a difficult time might seem impossible, but it’s not. With some planning, empathy, and a focus on your children’s well-being, it is possible to foster an environment where they can still experience the magic of the season, even amid family changes, Padideh told me.
So, what are these expert tips for creating a child-centered holiday? Here are some strategies Padideh Jafari, Esq., shared with our audience:
1. Prioritize Your Child’s Emotional Needs
The holidays are a time for togetherness, but for children in the middle of divorce or family conflict, they may be feeling uncertainty, sadness, or even guilt. One of the most important things you can do is acknowledge these feelings and let your child know that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling. Reassure them that they are loved, that both parents still care about them, and that this is a challenging time for everyone.
Attorney Jafari suggests saying something like, “I know this is hard, and I’m here for you no matter what. We’ll make sure we still have fun and create new traditions together.” Remember that you can celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas a day or week earlier. Smaller children do not actually care about the dates of when things get celebrated, only that their home is peaceful, and their parents aren’t fighting with one another.
2. Make Your Plans Together
Instead of making decisions about the holiday arrangements on your own, involve your children in the planning process. Ask them what traditions or activities they’re most excited about and try to honor those as much as possible.
Whether it’s decorating the tree, baking cookies, or watching a favorite holiday movie, their input will help them feel more secure and part of the process. If you can, find small ways to create new traditions that are specific to your current situation—things that help reinforce their sense of stability and connection, even when things are different.
3. Be Honest and Transparent with Your Ex (When Possible)
Divorce often means navigating new family dynamics, and sometimes conflict can make things tricky. However, it’s essential to keep communication open with your ex about the holiday plans. While it might be difficult, especially if there’s tension between you, focusing on the well-being of your children should be the priority.
Keep the conversation simple and child-focused: “I want to make sure the kids feel loved and cared for this holiday season. Here’s what I’m thinking—let’s discuss and find a balance that works for everyone.” This approach can help ease some of the stress for your children, knowing that both parents are making an effort.
4. Keep Things as Consistent as Possible
Children thrive on routine, and the holidays already come with a lot of change. If you can, try to maintain some consistency in your child’s routine. This might mean keeping their bedtime schedule, making sure they get enough downtime between activities, or keeping some aspects of the holiday celebration familiar. Consistency provides a sense of security, especially when other parts of their life feel uncertain.
5. Create New Holiday Traditions (Without Forgetting the Old Ones)
While it’s natural to want to hold on to some of your old traditions, it’s also a time to create new ones that work for your new family setup.
According to Attorney Jafari, “consider celebrating in a different way, like having two smaller holiday celebrations with each parent or starting a tradition of volunteering together as a family. You can also tell each child that they can choose their own ornament for the new tree that you will have this year (as a single parent) and do this with them every year. By the time they go to college, your tree will have all their individually chosen ornaments on the tree!”
The goal is to find what feels comfortable for you and your children. Embrace the opportunity to make memories that are meaningful for your family’s new dynamic.
6. Be Gentle with Yourself
Lastly, it’s important to remember that you’re doing your best in a difficult situation. Holidays during divorce aren’t easy, and it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. The goal is not to recreate the “ideal” holiday but to create a space where your child feels loved, safe, and cared for. Be gentle with yourself and recognize the effort you’re putting in to make this holiday season special for them.
Even if the holiday doesn’t look the way it used to, your child will remember that you made the effort to keep things positive and child-centered during a tough time.
Lady World Press 